An affair is crushing. All the hopes and dreams you had of being happily married are gone in an instant. You can hardly breathe or think, all is a whirlwind of fears and betrayal. Days full of tears and sleepless nights flow into each other until you lose track of days and time. Depression and anger mix together, and everything you hoped for in marriage seems lost. Every marriage counselor works with this each week because sadly, it is so common. The shock of discovery is devastating. Once that is past, it is time to think and assess. 

If your spouse has had an affair, or if you are the offender, let’s talk about what to do now. An affair blows the lid off of the marriage. No one wakes up in a happy, deeply connected marriage and decides to ruin everything. There is never an excuse for an affair; that choice is always wrong. But affairs happen in a context, and if you can look at this honestly, then there is hope. Couples have to look at the reality of the disconnection in the marriage and what caused it. There are many reasons for this, but there is hope for healing if you both want to save the marriage.

The hard news is that it will take absolute honest with yourself and each other to talk about all the things you both have not talked about, the emotional pain and disappointments you’ve felt, and much more. The good news is that couples that go through this healing process have the marriage they have always wanted. The healing path is very hard, but the rewards at the end are worth it. I’ve seen it happen, and it is possible.

An affair is not always the end of every marriage. For some, it is the end because the damage is too great to overcome. But for others, those that are willing to work hard and forge a new relationship with their partner, it can be the beginning. Marriage counseling can be a wonderful way to begin to work through trust issues to forge ahead. If you are looking to salvage the love that you once shared, find an accredited marriage and relationship counselor. You and your spouse will have a safe space to talk, cry, and transition into a new relationship.