Before you look for a husband or wife there is one absolutely essential thing you need to do – you need to know yourself. When we know ourselves well we will know who and what we need to complete us. Finding that person you dream of begins here. So ask yourself some questions like,

  • What are my passions, the things that make me come alive?
  • What is my personality type, and do I want someone like me or someone who compliments me?
  • What things do I really like to do? (It won’t do to love being outdoors and then look for someone who is afraid to get their hair wet; man or woman.)
  • What are the things I really don’t like doing?
  • What are my dreams for life, and what is my vision for my future?
  • Do I want children, and about how many?
  • Do I have a passionate faith, and do I want someone who shares that passion?
  • Do I want someone who is athletic, or is that not important?
  • What are the character values that I think are essential?


You get the idea. It’s not wise to look for a husband or wife the way a friend of mine told me she looked for a car. It’s easy, she said. I just go to different car dealerships, look at the cars, and when I feel like I’ve found the right one, I buy it. I suppose that might work with cars for some people since we have an idea of what we want and need, but going on feeling alone when you are hoping to marry that one who is your match will not do.

You get the idea. But too often what I see in counseling are people who picked a spouse like my friend picked her car. They looked around, checked out different people, and when the feeling hit them and they felt in love, they got married and hoped it was for life. But after a few months or years, or in some cases even just weeks, reality sunk in and they found that this person had baggage they never knew about. Parts of his or her personality and habits that they didn’t know were there came out and were troublesome.  Then passion cooled, and what was once so wonderful was not so wonderful after all. The new car smell had worn away.

So here’s the first part of how to look for a husband or wife: know yourself. Ask others to help, get advice from those who know you best and love you the most. Next time, we will talk about how to use this knowledge. Part 3 is ready to read!

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